The Role of Parents in Athletics
by Neil VanLengen
August 18, 2008
Role of Parents in Athletics
The involvement of parents in the athletic experience of their children is a given. Without question, all parents should be a part of this area of their children’s growth. Their involvement affects their own child, the coach, the rest of the team, the other parents, and the officials. How parents choose to be involved is a choice they have.
In order to ensure that the athletic experience is a positive one, everyone in the process (coaches and parents alike) must always remember that the kids’ needs must come first.
The following suggestionsare paraphrased from Bruce Brown’s book and reflect the athlete’s point of view. The issues covered focus on three important times: before, during, and after competition.
Before the first game
As the season begins, parents are encouraged to ask themselves the following questions:
* Do I want them to play? If so, why?
* What would I consider a successful season for me as a parent?
* What are my goals for them?
* What do I hope they gain from the experience?
* What do I think their role will be on this team?
After the parents have answered these questions for themselves, they should sit down with their son or daughter and ask them the following questions. It is important that the parent LISTEN to their answers without talking.
* Why are you playing?
* What do you consider a successful season?
* What goals do you have?
* What do you think your role will be on the team?
Once parents have heard and listened to their child’s answers and compared them to their own responses, if both sets of expectations are the same, great. However, if the parent’s responses are different from the child’s, the kids need their parents to change their attitudes and accept theirs. No questions.
The next step in the early season is for the parent to “release” their son or daughter to the game and to the coach. Once parents know that their child will be physically and emotionally safe, the best thing they can do is to release their child to the activity.
If a parent feels the need to talk to a coach about a problem, they should call and allow the coach to choose an appropriate time and place. Some concerns are appropriate while others are not.
Among the concerns that are appropriate for a parent to discuss with their child’s coach are:
* Mental and physical treatment of your child
* Ways to help your child improve
* Concerns about your child’s behavior
Inappropriate areas of concern that a parent should not discuss with the child’s coach include:
* Playing time
* Team strategy of play calling
* Other team members
Parents should consider the following “red flags” that indicate that they have not released their young athlete to the game or are taking the game too seriously. (It doesn’t mean they are a bad parent, but rather that they are too involved in the activity.):
*A parent who is continuing to live their own personal athletic dream through their child.
* A parent who tends to share in the credit when the child has done well in the sport or has been victorious. “I taught her that shot.” or “I showed him how to throw a curveball.” are examples.
* A parent who tries to solve all of their child’s athletic-related problems. (“Let’s get everyone together and talk this out,” or “I’ll just call the coach and solve this.”)
* They are trying to continue to coach the child when the athlete probably knows more about the game than the parent does.
* They are nervous before the child’s game.
* They have a difficult time bouncing back after their child’s team sufferers a loss.
* They take mental notes during a game so they can give their child advice at the conclusion of the game.
* They become verbally critical of an official.
* The athlete is looking at their parents in the stands for approval during the game.
* If the athlete avoids their parents after a game or are embarrassed about their parent's involvement.
These are all signals that the child’s athletic experience is still shared, and the child needs more space.
Parents should understand and accept the fact that there never will be such a thing as a “perfect season” and all parental assistance involves decisions with a very fine line of judgment.
During the game
Athletes ask that their parents only do three things during the game. On one hand, the list is not long. On the other hand, adhering to the list is very difficult for most parents because of the emotions involved when their child is “on stage.”
* Parents need to model appropriate behavior.
* Parents need to focus on the team and the team’s goals.
* The athlete needs to hear only one instructional voice during the game, and that should be the coach’s voice.
There are only four roles during a game: spectator, competitor, official, and coach. Everyone involved should choose only one of these roles at a time. Spectators are there to watch the game and encourage the players on their team. They should not put down the other team, try to coach, or try to officiate.
After the game
The best thing you can give your child after a game is time and space. Comments that a parent gives to “try to help” the child may be perceived as criticism. Comments about other team members may tear down the team concept that child has been trying to build. Questioning the coach in front of the child will only cause them to doubt the coach, and if the player is questioning the coach, they are not going to be giving their best effort, which will not only hurt the team, but the child as well.
Parents need to be a source of confidence to their child, and it is easy when the child plays well and the team wins. Parents need to try to be a source of confidence and help build relationships on the team under the following conditions:
* When their child played well, but the team lost.
* When their child played poorly.
* When their child played very little or not at all.
One comment that a parent can always give sincerely and received by any athlete is,
"I love watching you play.”
Summary (and a few added thoughts)
Parent’s role
* Attend as many games as possible
* View the game with team goals in mind
* Attempt to relieve competitive pressure, not increase it
* Encourage multiple-sport competition
* Look upon opponents as friends involved in the same experience
* Accept the judgment of the officials and coaches; remain in control
* Accept the results of each game; do not make excuses
* Demonstrate winning and losing with dignity
* Encourage athletes to keep their perspective in both victory and defeat
Remember, that these are suggestions for you to consider. As stated earlier, not following this doesn't make for a bad parent it just makes it not as enjoyable for you child. We all should agree that our main goal is to do what is best for our students and any help that we can get from another person's perspective should be greatly appreciated.
